All children experience stress in varying degrees as they grow. Despite their best efforts, parents cannot protect their children from all the challenges they face. Children will get sick, encounter bullies and cyberbullies, experience heartache, lose friends and pets, and now they also have to deal with the effects of Covid-19. Some of these challenges might seem insignificant in the eyes of an adult, but may be overwhelming to a child.
In today's world, anxiety and stress are becoming more prevalent in children. While it is a normal and necessary emotion, designed as part of the human self-protection mechanism, it can inhibit us as well. Anxiety is the most common mental health condition in children. The signs of stress and anxiety in children often show up as physical or behavioural changes. This can include:
● Finding it hard to concentrate;
● Poor sleeping patterns, sleepwalking or experiencing nightmares;
● Loss of appetite;
● Fear of making decisions;
● Difficulty beginning tasks;
● Worry. This is a big one, it will not only show in your child’s face but it will show in their demeanour. They will be tense and fidgety;
● Being frustrated and quickly getting angry or irritable, having outbursts out of their control;
● Dangerously becoming aware of self-harm. This manifests when children are depressed and need professional care.
All children are capable of working through these challenges, coping with and working through the causes of their anxiety or stress. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from anxiety and stress, hardship, failure, challenges, or even trauma. It is a skill that children can develop as they grow.
Resilience is shaped partly by the individual characteristics we are born with (genes, temperament and personality) and partly by the environment we grow up in: Family, school, community and the broader society. While there are some things we cannot change, such as our biological makeup, there are many we can change when we have the right tools to do so.
When children are resilient, they are braver, more curious, more adaptable, and better placed to extend their reach into the world. Some of the areas in which we can nurture resilience in our children include:
1. Safe Home Environment
As a parent or guardian, you are advised to create a relaxed home atmosphere and commit to a routine. Use family time like a security blanket for your children. Wrap them up in family closeness and make sure your children have lots of family time. During times of anxiety and change, spend more time with your children playing games, reading to them, or just holding them close. Creating family traditions will make your child more secure.
2. Communication
Talk to your children. When they have questions, answer them honestly and with reassurance that includes simple statements that let them know you are taking actions to keep them safe and are there to take care of them. Listen to their concerns and fears when they address them with you and let them know you are there for them.
3. Resist the urge to lecture
When your children come for advice with their problems, the natural response is to lecture or explain. A better strategy is to ask questions. By bouncing off ideas, you as the parent help your child think through the issue and allow them to come up with their own solutions.
4. Keep them involved
Give your child a heads up on any anticipated changes they might be approaching in their developmental stages, and talk through how it might affect them. Making decisions as a family might lessen the anxiety in our children.
5. Be an example
The best way to teach resilience is to model it. We all encounter stressful situations. Use coping and calming strategies. Deep breathing can be an effective way to work through those challenges. Name your emotions and talk through your problem-solving process, teaching your children to do the same. Adopt healthy habits such as exercise and self-care to manage your own stress and most likely your children will do the same. Keep an eye out for new signs and behaviours of unresolved stress in your lives and find healthy ways to deal with it as a family. Seek the advice of a healthcare practitioner, counsellor, or therapist if the signs of stress do not lessen.
6. Be understanding
Resilience means understanding you cannot always have what you want when you want it. This is an important concept to pass on to your children.
7. Promote the bright side of a problem – every experience has a silver lining
Optimism and resilience go hand in hand. Some children may appear more optimistic than others, but optimism can be nurtured. If your child is prone to a pessimistic outlook, acknowledge the feelings that lead them to this disposition and teach them to reframe their thoughts and find the positive side in every situation. For example, teach them not to say ‘I can’t’, but instead, to say ‘I am not yet good at this but I am getting there’.
There are many new expectations on children in the fast paced world we live in today, which can contribute to stress and anxiety, but it is important to know that anxiety can be genetic and there can be no well known reason behind it. It is activated in the primitive brain with a fight or flight response.
However, with professional support, reframing, physical techniques such as breathing, positive reasoning based on reality, one can be taught to manage anxiety.
With solid support, children can normalise their stress and anxiety and live fulfilling lives, making the most of every opportunity afforded to them.
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